Livin' In South Park
by Master Disaster 6469
Summary: Twenty-four year old Michael finds himself as a ten year old kid in the world of South Park after a birthday wish for a second chance at life.


**ALL CHARACTERS AND EVENTS IN THIS FANFICTION- EVEN THOSE BASED ON REAL PEOPLE-ARE ENTIRELY FICTIONAL. MICHAEL IS MY ONLY OC . ALL OTHER CHARACTERS (EXCLUDING ANY OTHER MINOR OCS I MAY INCLUDE) ARE CREATED BY TREY PARKER AND MATT STONE AND SOUTH PARK IS OWNED BY COMEDY CENTRAL. ALL CELEBRITY APPEARANCES ARE SATIRICAL. THE FOLLOWING FANFICTION CONTAINS COARSE LANGUAGE AND DUE TO ITS CONTENT SHOULD NOT BE READ BY ANYONE**

* * *

It was my 24th birthday, and it wasn't a happy birthday for me.

For the past six years, I had been dreading every passing year, each year more miserable than the last. I had been miserable for much of my childhood, but the darkness of reality REALLY set in shortly after my eighteenth birthday.

To add to the already long-running string of bad luck and misfortune in my life, there was a violent thunderstorm that night, acting as an omen for more misfortune that was to come.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MICHAEL! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!" My family sang.

"IT'S TIME TO GO! YOU'RE WAY TOO OLD! TO STILL LIVE HERE! MOVE OUT DAY'S NEAR!" My dad chimed in.

"SHUT UP!" My mom yelled. "This is his birthday, we'll kick him out another day..."

I felt sick to my stomach, I wasn't ready to move out, I didn't even have a job, well, I did, but I got fired, for telling a customer to go fuck themself, but they gave me a dirty look, I swear! I hated that job anyway...

"I am starting community college next month, you know." I reminded my family.

"I moved out of my parents house on my eighteenth birthday." My dad reminded me, for the three hundred and seventh time. "And I was working since I was fourteen, ten counting before my first OFFICIAL job."

"Times are different now, dad, everything is more expensive, and employers require higher and stricter qualifications-"

"NO! YOU MILLENIALS ARE JUST LAZY!" My dad exploded.

"PLEASE CALM DOWN!" My mom pleaded my dad.

"I could kick you out right now, I could even have the police force you out!" My dad kept on.

"How many beers have you drank, Steven?" My mom asked.

"None of your fucking business, woman!" My dad replied.

"Probably at least ten..." I muttered.

"WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU SAY? IT'S NONE OF YOUR GODDAMN BUSINESS HOW MUCH I DRINK! DON'T DISRESPECT ME YOU MOTHERFUCKER!"

"Please stop!" My mom begged. "The neighbors are going to call the cops again!"

"I'LL CALL THEM MYSELF! AND HAVE THIS EXCUSE OF AN EXISTENCE REMOVED FROM MY HOUSE! HE SHOULD HAVE MOVED OUT BY HIS OWN CHOICE WHEN HE TURNED EIGHTEEN!"

"I had to wait until I turned twenty-four to start college, because before twenty-four you need your parents financial information to get financial aid, and your information would have disqualified me." I was referencing both of my parents' income information.

"BLAMING EVERYTHING ON EVERYONE ELSE! MAN THE FUCK UP!" My dad yelled at the top of his lungs, his face rage red. He was having another rage, a drunken rage.

"Why don't you go lay down and sober up?" My aunt suggested to my dad.

"WHY DON'T YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP AND MIND YOUR OWN FUCKING BUSINESS, BITCH!" Then he punched her in the face, knocking her ass on the ground.

"YOU SON OF A BITCH!" My uncle yelled at him, and punched my dad in his face, knocking him back, causing him to smash the back of his head on the corner of the counter before landing on the ground.

My mom just ran away crying.

I got up and stormed off to my room, but not before blowing out the candles on my cake, making my wish.

_I wish my life was rebooted._

"Happy fucking Birthday to me." I mumbled in frustration as I walked out of the kitchen.

"We'll save you some cake!" My cousin yelled.

I entered my room, slamming the door behind me and locking the door. If my dad was conscious, he would have followed me up there and gotten even more mad that I slammed the door, he never allowed me to walk away, which was common advice that I received, but my dad wouldn't even let me do that. But the motherfucker was unconscious, so he couldn't do SHIT.

I turned off my light and got under the covers and cried for awhile. I decided to stream something, but wanted everyone to think I was asleep, so they'd leave me alone. So I decided to put in my earphones and watch on my phone.

"Take me away from reality." I pleaded.

I thought about being a kid again, having a second chance, a chance to not be a complete loser and feel so alone.

I immediately thought of "South Park". Those kids had all kinds of crazy adventures, and the best part? They never had to grow up, at least no more than a year, IF the creators even wanted them to, for the sake of the plot.

I opened the Hulu app on my phone and streamed some random episodes of South Park.

I drifted off to sleep while watching...

* * *

The thunderstorm got progressively worse as the night went on.

The time between thunder and lightning grew shorter and shorter, meaning that the lightning was striking closer and closer.

*_CRACK-KABOOM_* The lightning was so close to my house, the flash was blinding.

"AH! WHAT THE HELL?!" I bolted awake.

*_CRACK-KABOOM!_* The thunder got even louder, with a blinding white flash.

"Holy fucking shit." I said, before getting out of bed to look out the window.

"Well this night sure intensified. I wonder what happened after I went to sleep-"

*_CRACK-KABOOM!_* *_RUMBLE*_

The thunder was so strong that the house started to shake.

"Holy shit, it's like an earthquake, but we don't have earthquakes here in-"

*_CRACK-KABOOM!_*

"AHHHHH!" The shaking caused me to fall flat on my ass, and I was dazed from the blinding flash of light.

"Ohhhh" I moaned. "I don't feel so good..."

*_CRACK-KABOOM!_* *_RUMBLE* _*_SHATTER_*

The lightning had struck right through my bedroom window, shattering the glass, and directly striking me. I saw nothing but white for a few seconds, before everything faded to black.

* * *

I woke up in my bed, in my room, tired as usual when first waking up in the morning, or afternoon, or whenever I ended up waking up.

As I fought to open my eyes, and not drift back off to sleep, I slowly realized that something was off. Everything looked, more colorful, brighter, and, like it was animated to look like it was made out of construction paper, but more cartoony.

_I must still be dreaming_, I thought, _I hope it's not sleep paralysis_.

After fighting the drowsiness that kept trying to pull me back to sleep, I eventually managed to get out of bed.

I always felt taller when I first woke up, but this time, I actually felt shorter.

Figuring I just needed to fully wake up, I shrugged it off and walked to the bathroom.

I walked down the hallway to the bathroom, and noticed a handrail, which was odd, because I lived in a one story house.

I arrived at the bathroom and flipped on the light switch. There was a step stool in front of the sink.

_What the fuck? It's not like I'm actually shorter..._

I couldn't reach the sink without the step stool. I had a bad feeling in my gut. I hopped onto the step stool and looked into the mirror.

As my eyes adjusted into focus from the blurriness of just waking up, I started to realize that something was indeed different. After a few moments, I finally, clearly saw my own reflection.

"AHHHHHHHHH!" I screamed at the top of my lungs.

I couldn't believe what I was staring at! This HAD to be a dream!

"WHAT'S WRONG HONEY?" A woman came rushing into the bathroom.

"AHHHHHHHH! WHAT THE FUCK?! WHAT IS THIS? YOU LOOK LIKE YOU'RE FROM SOUTH PARK! I LOOK LIKE I'M FROM SOUTH PARK! EVERYTHING LOOKS LIKE IT'S SOUTH PARK!"

"You must have had a bad dream, sweetie." The woman sweetly said, trying to comfort me.

"But this! This all looks like it's the cartoon, South Park! This makes no sense! This isn't possible!" My mind was malfunctioning from overload, what I was experiencing made no logical sense. Had I taken drugs or something? I did have a terrible night, but I didn't remember having any drugs, I didn't even drink last night.

"I think you're just stressed from the move." The woman replied.

"The move?" I asked, confused.

"Yes, we just moved in here yesterday. And this is the town of South Park."

My jaw dropped. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. This WAS South Park?

"What's all the noise up here?" A man asked, walking to the doorway.

"Michael just had a nightmare." The woman answered the man.

"He's probably just stressed from the move. Moving is one of the most stressful life events that people go through. I didn't sleep very well last night either." The man replied.

"It'll take some time for all of us to get adjusted." The woman said.

_I must still be dreaming, right? _I thought to myself.

"Well, it's OK sweetie. We just moved here and we'll all adjust eventually." The woman said. "I'm sure you'll make lots of new friends at school!"

"But I don't start school until next month. And it's community college..." I said.

"Our little man thinks he's all grown up. Must have been some dream, what, did you dream that you failed a college exam, or showed up to class naked? You're only ten years old, you have at least eight more years until you go to college. Plenty of time to have fun until then, and then of course even MORE fun in college, college is the shit. I met your mom in college."

"Yes." The woman said, looking into the man's eyes. "Your dad was such a gentleman, I hated all of those frat boy jerks, I loved this nerd here."

"Oh come on, I'm not that big of a nerd..."

"Don't flatter yourself, you're MY nerd." She kissed him on the lips.

"Ummm..." I let out.

"Oh, you need to get ready for school! Not college, of course, you'll be attending South Park Elementary School!" The woman who was apparently my mom informed me.

"Damn baby, you got me all in the mood now, I wish I didn't have to go to work today." The man who was apparently my dad said.

_Wait a second, wish? _I wondered to myself. _OH MY GOD! WISH! I WISHED FOR MY LIFE TO BE REBOOTED! MY WISH WORKED! I'M A CHILD AGAIN! I HAVE ANOTHER CHANCE AT MY YOUTH! AND I'M STARTING OVER IN SOUTH PARK! I didn't add the part of wishing to grow up in South Park until after blowing out the candles, but whatever!_

"We both have jobs to go to, dear." My mom said to my dad. "I'll play with you tonight, though." She seductively said to my dad with a wink. My dad blushed.

"OK! I HAVE TO GO TO SCHOOL, APPARENTLY!" I shouted, running out of the bathroom.

I ran to my room, looking for clothes, finding a blue jacket, blue scarf, and blue jeans in my closet. In fact, I had several sets of the same exact clothes! Very cartoonish. I grabbed my backpack that was packed and ready to go next to my bed, and went downstairs to eat.

I found some cereal and milk, pouring a bowl which I quickly devoured before heading out the door.

The bus stop was just down the street. I walked down the sidewalk and arrived there in less than a minute.

There was a banjo strumming sound as I walked up to the bus stop.

_Hmmm, I have a feeling that I'm the only person who can hear the scene change music in this world. _

I pulled out my phone, HOLY CRAP! It was the newest iPhone, I hadn't even noticed before I left my house! My old iPhone was several generations old.

I looked at the screen, and the Face ID recognized my face, instantly unlocking the phone. I went to the camera to look at my face.

"I didn't really get the chance to closely examine my new details in the mirror, let's see what's different now..." I said to myself. "Hmmm, I still have brown hair, and green eyes, although I have to squint really hard to see my eye color, all that's really visible are black dots, being the pupils. The iris is practically invisible. Oh, and I'm now in the body of a ten year old. Wait a second."

I locked my phone and put it back into my pocket. "Does that mean..." I reached down the front of my pants. I was smoother than a peach! And my penis was smaller, and I couldn't feel my balls.

I gasped at the realization that I had returned to prepubescence.

"Well, I am a child, so it's not like I'd be getting laid anyway. And my voice still sounds the same, although even as a twenty-four year old male, my voice was still pretty high-pitched for my age."

"Wait, I just noticed, even though the movement in this world is restricted by the animation style, I still feel like I'm moving as if I was in the real world. It's kind of trippy, my mind perceives one thing, while my eyes see another."

The banjo strumming sound played again.

Four boys suddenly walked up next to me.

_Hey! It's Stan, Kyle, Cartman, and Kenny! _I excitedly thought.

"Hey fellas! I'm Michael!"

The four boys just stared at me.

_Well, I'm off to a totally not awkward start to my new life in South Park._

"I mean, what's up my dudes." I said, trying to correct my first awkward greeting.

"What a fucking weirdo." The fat kid in the red jacket said.

_Hmmm, maybe I should act as a regular character on the show?_

"Fuck you, fatass." I replied to Cartman.

"WHAT THE FUCK! I'LL KICK YOU IN THE NUTS! THAT'S HOW YOU TALK TO SOMEONE YOU JUST MET! YOU SON OF A BITCH!" Cartman ranted as he charged towards me.

"Whoa! Easy there, fatboy." The kid in the orange jacket and greenish lime ushanka hat said, as he held Cartman back.

Cartman jumped back, relieving Kyle of the struggle of restraining him.

"I swear to God Kyle, you better not hold me back from kicking this kid's ass again."

"Chill out, dude." The kid in the brown jacket and blue, red puffball hat said. "Don't take it personally dude, he's always like that, to everyone."

"Yeah, I know." I said.

"Huh?" All four boys shared a confused reaction.

"But, you just moved here, didn't you? We've never seen you around here before." Stan stated.

"Yeah, but I watch the show, I've seen every episode..." I realized what I was saying sounded crazy to them. I wasn't very worried about them becoming self-aware or anything meta like that, but I did expect that they'd think I was crazy and delusional.

"STALKER!" Cartman yelled.

"I mean, uh..." I stumbled.

"OH HEY! THERE'S THE BUS!" I exclaimed. _How convenient! _

The school bus pulled up, and the doors opened.

"Well, I guess we better get on..." Stan said, his tone indicating that they were obviously uncomfortable.

Stan, Kyle, Cartman, and Kenny, started boarding the bus.

_Why does it seem like Kenny almost never talks? I mean, I know he has that parka on, but it's not like the other kids can't understand him. I wonder if I can understand him too?_

"Hey." I said, stopping Kenny right before he got on the bus. "I noticed you were the only one who didn't say anything, why is that?"

The kid in the orange parka turned to face me.

_Mph mmm mmmphh mf mmmph mpph mmp mmmph mfff mphh... _("I feel like nobody pays much attention to me anymore, it's like I'm not even there most of the time, like, I'm just a prop. I feel like a lot of the other kids take my place most of the time as of more recently. _Sigh_) Kenny said.

"Oh, you mean like a background character?" I replied.

Mph mmm mph mff mmm... ("I guess that's one way to put it...") Kenny replied.

"Will you kids get on the damn bus, I'm about to leave you two here." The bus driver redirected our attention.

"Oh, shit, let's go." I said.

I followed Kenny onto the school bus.

"Wanna sit together?" I asked Kenny. I didn't want to sit alone, and I felt like me and Kenny understood each other, at least somewhat.

"Sure." Kenny said.

Me and Kenny walked to an empty seat. Stan and Kyle were together in another seat, and Cartman was sitting with a kid with blonde hair who was wearing an aquamarine jacket and dark green pants.

"You're such a fag, Butters." Cartman berated the boy.

"Yeah... Wait! No I'm not!" Butters yelled back.

"Oh yeah, I forgot that you're bi-curious." Cartman said back.

"Oh hamburgers." Butters said, looking down.

"Poor Butters." I said.

Mmmph mmmph mpph mff... ("Yeah, Cartman rips on me a lot too, for being poor.") Kenny replied.

"Well that's fucking bullshit." I said back. (Of course, I already knew how Cartman treated everyone, but I needed to play the act of the new kid who just moved into town, because apparently that was my role, so I had to act like the new kid who didn't already know everything.) "Nobody should be made fun of for their sexuality, race, gender, living situation, financial status, or hell, any other reason... I mean, I get we're all human, but..."

Mmmmph mfff mmph mff... ("Cartman takes everything too far.") Kenny replied.

"EXACTLY" I said. "I mean, it's pretty obvious already.

Mmmmphhh mff mpph mmm mmfph... ("I think you and I are going to be great friends.") Kenny said.

"I was thinking the exact same thing." I replied.

The school bus finally arrived at South Park Elementary School.

_I hope school is better this time around. _I thought to myself. _This being South Park, it's definitely going to be ONE hell of a ride..._


End file.
